You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
