I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize