this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
