That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
