Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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