My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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