I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
