She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
