fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
