i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
