I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
