Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
