I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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