She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
