Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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