You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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