it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
