I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
