dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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