I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
