I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
