And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
