I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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