i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
