Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize