Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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