I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we should paint friendship bongs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
