Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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