we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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