Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
