porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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