me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
