i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
