i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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