We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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