im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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