I'm eating all of the evidence.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
