I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So apparently I’m into choking now
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