so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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