I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
