Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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