R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
