I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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