I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
