When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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