bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
