dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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