I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize