I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
