It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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