dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
