The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
