she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
