I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
