I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
