What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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