Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
