Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
