i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
