Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Less talking, more tequila
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
