I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
