It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize