So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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