Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
