I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
