i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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