If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
