just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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