I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
