There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
