you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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