upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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