Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
