It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize