then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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