Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
