I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
