why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize