why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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