just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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