OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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