If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
