I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
