I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
