I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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