So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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