the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
