I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
