i just google imaged poop.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize