my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
