Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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