I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
