you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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