her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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