So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
