guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
