she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize