Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
