I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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