MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize