I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
