We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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